Blind Guy Problems
by I.Am.Sorta.Normal
Summary: All Iggy wants is for life to give him a fair game. Just once. But no, life's just so f-ed up that he becomes the love doctor, the captive, and, worst of all, the victim of the scratchy farm girl voices. T for some language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N what's goin on FanFiction? **

**This is as literal case of I had too much time on the weekend because my only friends and fictional characters someone else created... Yeah. **

**~IASN**

* * *

Ever since moving to Virginia, Fang has had a thing for farm girls.

Maybe they're hot or something. As a blind guy, I'll never know. But the ones Fang hangs out with at school (which means I'm forced to, since he's my guide) have annoying voices, a low intelligence and probably the worst opinions ever.

Generally, I don't insult people's intelligence. I can't even recite the alphabet. I don't know what any of the letters look like. Me insulting people's intelligence is like a deaf guy insulting people's hearing. But I'm basing these girls off of all the other people I've met (Jeb and the crew don't count, because, no matter how evil, they are smart). And boy, do these girls know how to play the airhead.

"So what grade are you in?"

Her accent grated against my ears, especially my left one. The more sensitive one. Ouch. How Fang found this attractive and not Max was beyond my knowledge. According to Nudge, this chick wasn't even especially hot, either.

On my right, Fang's low voice answered, "I'm a junior."

I smirked. We were all freshmen age, but since Max could pass for twenty four and Nudge didn't want to be left with Angel and Gazzy because of their lunch and recess times wouldn't match, Max, Fang and I were juniors and Nudge was a freshmen. Angel and Gazzy were playing twins, which was barely acceptable, since, according to Max, Gazzy looked ten and Angel looked eight, but the admin let them slide.

However, our knowledge didn't quite support our fake ages. Especially me. Fang passed it off as being raised in Italy with English-speaking parents who never taught him anything more than the English alphabet. Max explained her parents were missionaries and they traveled constantly, so she, too, only learned the verbal portion of the language and didn't know any of the grammar. Nudge had dyslexia. As for me, well, I'm blind. Case closed.

The math was slightly harder to pull off. We decided to say that we'd never gotten anything more than the basics. After all, Fang's been moving around constantly since Italy, Max just returned from Hungary missions and Nudge got her numbers mixed up. Intense dyslexia. And, uh, I'm blind.

Angel had to dumb it down, but she helped Gazzy get through it. Being twins in third grade was interesting for them; they were obviously way behind, but Angel managed to pick the right thoughts from the right people; not always right. She kept them afloat.

"Ooh, I love older boys," she purred.

And I was going to rip this farmer girl's head off. We were in Virginia, not in freaking Kansas. Where did Fang find this chick?

"Cool."

"Fang, can you take me to the bathroom?" Admittedly, I felt like a three year old for saying so, but I couldn't stand another second with the girl. I didn't even really have to go to the bathroom. But I had. To. Leave. This. Chick.

Fang knocked his knee against mine under the table, hard, before muttering, "Uh, sure."

On the way, I ran straight into somebody. Heaven forbid I walk to somewhere as simple as the bathroom without making a fool of myself.

"Sorry," I muttered, wondering who I'd knocked into. It had felt like a girl, but I wasn't sure. Dr. Iggy hadn't done a thorough examination.

"Oh, it's all right. It was probably me." As an afterthought, the gorgeous girl voice added, "Cool shades."

I coughed once. "I'm blind."

I could feel her shock. "Oh. _Oh_."

An awkward silence ensued. I swung my arm the tiniest bit, looking for Fang. Dammit, where was he?

"Um, sorry for running into you," I apologized, swinging my arm more noticeably. Nothing.

I heard her smile in her voice. "Oh, no problem. Like I said, it was probably me. I should have looked where I was going."

For some reason, I really liked this girl. Not like I wanted to date her or anything, but maybe someday. She sounded really cute.

If only someone was here who could help me confirm that suspicion.

"Ig, are we gonna go?"

Fang had materialized next to me, and I flinched. In the business of the cafeteria, I hadn't heard him.

"Oh, yeah, right." I turned to the girl. "I'm Iggy."

"I'm Kate. Nice meeting you."

"You too."

As Fang and I completed our journey to the bathroom, I asked, "Hey, is she cute?"

Fang's grin was evident in his tone. "She's the fourth prettiest girl I've ever seen. Long blonde hair, green eyes, and a killer smile."

"Who're the first three?" I asked, making sure my tone sounded extremely suggestive.

"Max, Nudge and Angel."

"In that order, huh? I always knew you had a thing for Max."

I felt his glare. "Very funny."

"I thought so."

"I've got a date with Lauren."

"Who's Lauren?"

"The girl we're sitting with."

I froze. "Oh hell no, you aren't going out on a date with her. Do you know how annoying her voice is?"

"I'm going on a date with her. Not you," he reminded me, but I threw my arms up.

"Man, she's really annoying. Please don't," I begged.

"Sorry."

I groaned. "At least get my Kate's number. Please."

He laughed. "Deal."

* * *

"I hope you don't mind I'm taking you on a date to spy on my cousin on a date."

Kate giggled. "No, it's fine. But, no offense, he could do way better than Lissa."

I dismissed her mispronunciation as some sort of insult to the bitch. "Yes, thank you! That bitch has the most annoying voice in the world."

Kate laughed, and she parked across the street before sneaking into Lauren's house through her backyard.

We concealed ourselves in some bushes and waited. She practically had a forest behind her house.

Finally, they came out. "What do you want to do?" The annoying voice ground against my eardrums. Don't. Kill...

I imagined Fang's shrug. "I don't know."

"Wanna go cock catching?" The girl asked in as close a seductive voice as she could get.

This chick was a freaking player.

Maybe I would be able to see if Fang was really interested in this girl. Maybe I'd hear a really hot intense make out session, and then Kate and I would move closer together, and-

My fantasies ended abruptly when Fang said, "Sure."

What the fu-

"This is weird," Kate whispered. "What the hell?"

"My thoughts exactly." Sort of.

I was expecting them to start making out or something, but they got up and walked away from us. I felt a shiver down my spine as a terrible realization crossed my mind.

If they weren't going cock catching with Fang... then where were they going?

I didn't want to know.

I grabbed Kate's hand and dragged her to her car. "I need to go home. Oh god this is a crappy first date. I'm sorry."

She laughed. "It was actually kind of fun. I love snooping. Especially with bitches like Lissa." Kate drawled her name in an accent scarily similar to Lauren's, and I had a feeling my name theory was right.

Kate drove me home and dropped me off in silence. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, probably making her blush, and then ran inside, slamming my head against the door before I ripped it open and screamed. "OH MY GAWD EVERYONE COME HERE."

Max rushed down the stairs, Nudge, Angel and Gazzy on her heels. "What's wrong, Ig?" "Did something explode?" "Where's your girlfriend?"

I almost cried. "I need to protect my manliness! Fang's... Fang's gay."

There was total, utter silence in front of me. My fingers twitched anxiously.

Then Max whispered, "How do you know?"

The entire story tumbled out so fast. It was kind of like exploding, except not really. I felt like Nudge, honestly. God, if she felt like she had this much to say all the time, I wouldn't blame her for being so chatty.

Max paused. "Gazzy, Angel, Nudge? Would you mind going back up to your rooms?" Her voice was tight, and I could feel the tension waving off of her and cresting over me, drowning me in her stress.

The kids got the atmosphere. I heard their footsteps scampering up the stairs, and a very soft click of the door.

Max took a deep, shaky breath, seeming to suck in her tension and let it out slowly. "Can we take a walk?"

I held out my hand. Not, like, romantically. But if we didn't hold hands, there was going to be some bird kid road kill. I could already see the crime scene: The Arizona police, puzzled at the strange combination of human flesh and downy feathers, splattered in the middle of the road. Only my family, and possibly the guy who runs over me, will know the truth about my death.

Max opened the door, and we creeped out. Thanks to my super duper hearing, I heard a door open inside as soon as we started walking out.

Max took another breath to calm herself as we walked. Finally, she whispered, "Iggy, what do you think about love?"

I couldn't control my grimace. "I don't have much opinion on it from lack of experience," I answered, when really, I was thinking, "Aw shit get this teenagery mush away from me and hand me a ticking bomb for God's sake."

Her hair brushed against my bare arm when she nodded. I realized with a start that Max's hair was long again. She never wore it long. When it got longer than her shoulders, she grabbed a knife or some scissors and hacked it off until it feathered around her jaw.

Except not right now. And, it seemed, not for a while, now.

And then she dropped the bomb.

"I have to make a confession. About love. And, well, the flock."

DAMN IT. I wanted an actual, literal bomb. Not this metaphorical stuff.

I'm sure Max noticed my reaction, since I'd practically smushed her hand under mine, but she didn't address it. Instead, she waited in silence for me to answer.

This could go two ways. Actually, three. She could a) be in love with Fang like I hoped b) be in love with some guy at school that would jeopardize the safety of the Flock, etc. or c) be in love with the only other fourteen year old in the Flock who wishes for his name not to be mentioned due to privacy.

I was mentally crossing my fingers for option a.

"Uh, is there like a guide for how to answer these sort of questions?" I asked nervously.

Max laughed. "I'm just giving you a warning before I drop the bomb."

I couldn't help it. I screeched, "THAT WASN'T THE BOMB?!"

Max laughed again, but this time it sounded a lot more genuine. Her fun laugh. "Not quite. I'm in love with someone, and you have to promise not to tell anyone."

I held my breath and nodded. Don't scream don't scream come on at least it's not you don't freak out don't-

"Fang."

I almost choked. On nothing. I knew it was coming. I just didn't know it was coming quite so soon.

I coughed. "You love Fang?" We all knew that!

She shook her head, whipping my in the face with her hair. "No, I mean, Fang's right there." Her voice was tighter than before, her hand crushing mine. Good thing I didn't have to write; my hand would be way too bruised. "With a girl."

I nodded. "Oh yeah. Lauren. Total bitch. Most annoying voice in the world."

Max's soft, incredulous laugh sent chills down my spine. "You seriously don't recognize her?" she asked, her tone vaguely upset. Before I could answer, she muttered, "Just kidding. Pretend I didn't say anything."

"What?"

"Never mind!" she hissed, sounding thoroughly frustrated. I sulked a little bit, waiting for her to remember that I was blind. She didn't, so I asked, "What's going on?"

"Fang's making out with the girl."

I stiffened. "But, he's like, gay? Don't you remember?"

"Yeah. I heard your story. But, it looks like this chick had different cocks in mind."

I heard a sharp squawk that definitely didn't belong to Max or Fang. It could be from the girl, but it seemed more like-

Realization dawned on me. They were going cock hunting. As in, rooster hunting.

I smothered my embarrassment and muttered, "So who do you love?"

I could practically feel her blush through her hand. "You heard me the first time. But after what I just saw I might as well give up with it. There's no chance." Max sounded really sad, but since we all automatically steer clear of emotions, which is synonymous to staying away from Nudge, I didn't know what to say.

"Uh."

"It's okay, Ig. Let's just go home."

We crept back into the house. Max released my hand, gave me a quick hug, and then ran upstairs.

My head was reeling and I didn't trust myself to walk around, so I sat down at the foot of the stairs. So I'd been right and wrong all along. Max loved Fang, but Fang liked this Lauren bitch better, and so Max was heartbroken.

I would taken an Eraser fight over this whole love issue. Really, this whole butterflies and moths thing wasn't working out for me. And it's wasn't even spring! It was, like, freaking fall.

I kept thinking about a way to either solve this or get out of this, only looking up when the door opened, slowly. I felt Fang's gaze on me. Finally, he whispered, "What're you doing there?"

I shifted, noting the movement was uncomfortable. Well damn. How long had I been here? "Not long enough to sort out the problems in the world," I muttered to myself, grimacing as I stood, stretching. Ouch. "Well, I'm going to bed. I think Max wanted to talk to you."

I turned and went up the stairs, stomping loudly to the room I shared with the boys. I walked in and flopped onto the bed, ignoring the protesting bed frame as I stretched fully.

"Jeez, Iggy, keep it down," Gazzy complained, his voice muffled by the pillow.

"Shh! I have to wait for something."

I heard the door next to us creak open. My heart spiked. Max's room was right next to ours. We shared a wall.

Said wall that was along my bed.

I pressed my ear against the wall, waiting for their conversation. Finally, Fang said, "You okay?"

I could just barely hear Max whisper, "Not really."

I recoiled from the wall in shock. Max's voice was weak. It was broken. It was hurting. And it definitely sounded like she'd been crying.

I pressed against the wall again and just caught Fang say, "Sorry I'm late."

"How was your date with Lissa?" Max snapped, sounding much angrier but still mostly sad.

Hold the phone.

LISSA? What ever happened to Lauren?

And then I realized Fang had lied to me.

"How'd you know?"

The disturbing about this was that there wasn't a pause or anything. He answered just as snippily as she'd asked.

I heard Max's breath hitch. "Iggy and I went out for a walk, and I happened to see you locking lips with her in the middle of the freaking street." Her voice cracked at the end.

Fang's voice had no regret. In fact, there was something smug about it. "Yeah. Remember her from our Anne days? She doesn't remember me because it's been a year. I was just a dream to her."

Nudge was right; Lissa was as dumb as a post. Or an ant. But that's just an insult to ants.

"So why were you and Iggy out?"

"We were walking. Just getting away from the kids for a minute. Getting out of Twister."

"What, are the kids a burden?"

I was glad Gazzy was snoring next to me. I wasn't sure this was for him.

"No. But I feel like I don't spend enough time with Iggy, and I really wanted to. I don't know him as well as I know-" Max broke off.

As I know you.

She couldn't say that to him anymore. Not after what just happened.

That's when my second wish came true, ladies and gentlemen.

Eraser attack. Stat.

* * *

When the house exploded, I made a mental note not to make mental trades. They weren't ever fair.

I flapped, not even knowing where I was going. I was really scared I was going to fly straight into the arms of an Eraser. The thought of an actual real not rooster hunting gay Eraser scared me more than anything else.

I circled aimlessly, frustrated with the loud wind that was a) tearing at my wings b) pushing my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt up uncomfortably high c) making me freaking cold and d) eliminating most of my hearing.

Wind sucks when you're blind.

"Iggy!"

I turned towards the sound of Max's voice and flew there at top speed.

And that's when the arms wrapped around me.

"Hello, blind boy," a rough voice whispered in my ear, sending shudders down my spine. "Truant officer Ari here. Ready to go back to School?"

Fuck.

* * *

A/N I haven't written any more... but should I keep going? Let me know! :D

XOXO,

Ash

P.S. If you love me, go read my profile :)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N OKAY SORRY GUYS**

**So school just got out, and I haven't had time, which is a crap excuse but here take it anyways.**

**SORRY.**

* * *

Do you know what I hate?

No? Well come on, internet. You're supposed to know what I hate. You're supposed to know everything.

Go type into Google's search bar "What does Iggy hate?" and I promise you will get results that have nothing to do with me.

What I really hate is the fact that I had to go through about six thousand lives' worth of bullshit to be locked up in a crate for a week.

A whole week.

And nothing happened.

Now, let's examine the injustice of that. I have to go through the ordeal of spying and suffering Eavesdropper's syndrome (where you hear something out of context and it screws your life over), have to hear Fang basically throw any chances he had with Max away and then get kidnapped by Ari.

Did I mention I was locked in a dog crate? With no bacon or anything?

The only condolence is that I'm in the same room as Angel. We're not supposed to talk, because then we don't get served food (poorly prepared lasagna is better than no food). But the idiotic scientists forgot that, oh hey, _Angel can talk without talking, _so there you go.

_Iggy._

I instinctively looked up, and I banged my head against the top of the crate. _Ow, fuck. I mean, ow, fluff. _

I could picture Angel rolling her eyes. _Iggy, I'm seven_.

_And a lot more corrupt than I was when I was seven_.

_I hear you, Fang and Max every day. _Angel sounded indignant, and I mentally laughed.

_Yeah, alright. Can you hear the others?_

Angel was silent for a few minutes. During the few minutes I rubbed my head, bit my thumb nail and tried kicking out the crate door. None of them were successful in solving any problems.

_I... I can't hear them_.

I sighed. _It's okay, Angel. I'm sure they're fine_.

And that's when I got a bit of a shocker dropped on me.

That's right: someone picked up my crate. _And I didn't even hear them._

"Hello?" I asked, and I could feel myself being carried. "Um, hi, Mr. Science person? I prefer to be rolled around on cart. It's just a request, you know."

_Iggy,_ Angel thought over. _It's Fang holding your crate._

FANG?

_But I thought you couldn't hear them!_

_I couldn't! I don't know what's wrong. I still can't read them_.

I shuddered. _Drones?_ I suggested.

Angel's soft reply was drowned out by the echo of my crate being slammed down onto a metal table.

"Rude!" I shouted, just as the crate door was unlatched. A rough hand grabbed my arm and yanked me out.

I was plopped onto a metal operation table, my hands tied to my sides, my torso secured They'd even had the foresight to strap my ankles does so that I couldn't kick anyone.

_Angel?_ I asked, but I was alone.

And freaking out. Badly.

Okay, Iggy, try and breathe. Where are you?

My fingers twitched in agitation. Okay. Calm down. You've been in tougher situations before.

Touch: I'm fucking freezing.

Sight: The same as usual (aka nothing)

Hearing: My own breathing. God I didn't know how loud I breathed until five seconds ago.

Taste: Last night's lasagna (ew)

Smell:...

The smell was torturous. One second it had been pure Iggy (the smell of the sexiest man on earth if he decided to stay in a confined space and not shower for a week) and the next my nostrils were trying to close themselves against the strong smell of antiseptic.

"Iggy, how are you doing?"

Jeb.

"Well, Jeb, considering I'm strapped down on a freezing cold table inhaling antiseptics and still tasting last night's lasagna, I feel like shit. But I'm sure that was your intent, so job well done," I muttered, delighted when I found that I could still tilt my head from side to side.

Stop. We need to pause the story and appreciate that. Just close your eyes and picture a tall, gangly, strawberry blonde boy with restraints on his wrists, ankles and torso, just tilting his head back and forth.

Fifty points to Gryffindor for that one.

"This is for your own good, Iggy."

I sighed. "When are they going to update that handbook? It's like the world's worst pick up line for experiments."

"We're going to return your eyesight," Jeb said, finally getting it that I wasn't buying any of his crap.

But that... that stopped me.

I tensed. "What?"

"We've found a way to restore your vision. It's just going to be a quick surgery, and we're going to anesthetize before we do it this time. Worst case scenario is that you're still blind. But if it works right..."

He let the thought trail off.

I started shaking, partly because of the cold, partly because of the anticipation. How many times had I wanted to see like the others? It didn't matter, what they said about my overcompensating or whatever, and how I wasn't a bother. Because I knew I was. Just another responsibility. I was grouped with the Nudge, Gazzy and Angel when it came to being a leader. If I had my sight, I could finally be equal with Max and Fang.

"Let's do this. Please," I said.

Five hours later, I woke up feeling like death.

I was hoping I'd wake up being able to see, and I'd fly off and meet the flock and we'd go do badass-like things with my new sight.

But Jeb's first words were, "We're going to have to adjust your eyes. And this is going to hurt."

I couldn't see any difference in the light change. But all of a sudden, my eyes were on fire.

I pressed my hand against my mouth to keep from screaming. I couldn't even see anything, and my eyes hurt like a bitch.

"Stop, stop," I begged, but they kept on slowly making the lights brighter, until I could start making out shapes. And then, Jeb walked in, and I could see him in the now normal-light.

He was not at all what I'd expected.

"Uh, you look different than I thought," I said, my voice hoarse from my yelling. "Do I get to see the flock?"

Jeb shifted, looking uncomfortable. He pushed up his glasses and said, "Well, Iggy, you have to understand that you won't be going outside for a while."

"Can't I wear sunglasses?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Your eyes haven't been used in years. This artificial light is considerably dimmer than the sunlight, even indirect. The UV rays could damage your eyes, and we wouldn't be able to repair them."

I frowned. More to science than I thought.

"So why are you doing this for me?" I asked. "And why kidnap me?"

Jeb smiled wryly. "You'd never believe us if we said we were inviting you here to fix your flaws, would you?"

"No," I admitted, and then a chill ran through me. "Wait. Are the others being experimented on too?"

Jeb nodded. "All of them."

"What flaws do they have?" I wondered, not recalling anything wrong with any of them except for Fang and his stupid stubbornness.

Jeb answered my question with another. "Do you think we're done with _you_ yet?" he asked, and I swallowed.

"Oh my god, no."

They were going to chop off our wings.

* * *

As a general rule. I like to keep my wings on my back.

But then again, do the scientists ever care what we want?

The answer to that, my friends, is for once not bacon. It is, in fact, "no."

I wish the answer was bacon.

Jeb had made the mistake of releasing me from the restraints, and I did the totally Iggy thing to do:

I got up and _ran_.

Jeb yelled something after me, but I ignored him. I did, however, think he knew what he was talking about when he'd talked about eye damage, and I closed my eyes as I ran.

It felt normal, running around with my eyes closed. Having eyesight could be compared to having night vision goggles when accustomed to running in the dark: it's an advantage, but you don't need it.

"Max, Fang, Angel, Gazzy, Nudge!" I yelled, running around, running into walls more than twice. "Let's go, go, go!"

I heard a couple of low shouts, and then I was joined by four others. I cracked my eye open and screamed.

The sunlight streaming in through the windows _hurt._

"Iggy!" Nudge yelled as I crumpled to the floor. Dammit, life, just cut me a break.

Angel read my mind and, a minute later, shoved a pair of glasses onto my face. I tentatively opened an eye, found I could see fine, and bolted out the nearest exit.

We found ourselves on a field. "Up and Away!" Max shouted, and we all jumped up, unfurling our wings. I heard lots of angry shouting, and even some cheering, and when I looked back, all I could see were white coats, white coats everywhere.

I laughed, and Angel looked over at me, like _Do you want to tell them or can I?_

I took a minute to look at all of them. For the first time since we'd been kids, I was seeing them. Closest to me, Angel was flying, her snowy white wings reflecting the sunlight, her hair the richest honey gold. Her blue eyes were surprisingly innocent, and she stuck her tongue out at me.

In front of her, Gazzy was flying. His blonde hair, the same color as his sister's, was sticking up everywhere. He had the same blue eyes, but they glittered with mischief. I smiled: it was the Gazzy I'd pictured in my head all along.

Flying next to Gazzy was Nudge, her warm skin glowing, her tawny wings lifting her slightly on a drift. Her dark chocolate eyes were glowing, and I followed her gaze to Max and Fang.

Max was surprisingly beautiful, and I could finally see what Fang had been on about. But I didn't feel anything for her: heaven forbid, that would have been crazy.

Max's long brown hair flew out behind her, wide streaks of blonde giving her hair an beachy look. I couldn't see her face, but I could see Fang's face as he turned his head to talk to her. His olive skin was lighter than Nudge's, but not as light as Max's. He had dark eyes and jet-black hair swept to the side. He looked over at me, and I grinned.

"So, I'm gay now?" he asked, and I shrugged, which is somehow possible while flying.

Max turned around, and I was stunned. She had the most pretty brown eyes, so warm and happy and fierce and soft all at once.

"Um, guys, I have an announcement," I said, and they all turned to me.

"I got my sight back," I said, and Max almost dropped down to the ground.

"You _what_?"

"Yeah, um, Jeb kind of gave it back," I said, and Max's grin faded into a grim mask.

"Then it won't come without a price," she muttered, but she smiled again. "So what do you think of us?"

"You guys are seriously a lot better looking than I'd been picturing," I admitted, and Max laughed.

"I'm glad you think so," she said, slowing down so we could fly side-by-side. "That's what the glasses are for, I assume."

"You guessed it. Angel's a smart one."

Angel smiled, well, angelically, and Max smiled at me. Jeez, had she always been so smiley?

"I'm glad you're able to see, Iggy, that really is great."

We talked the entire flight, only interrupted when Fang asked, "So where are we going?"

Max grinned. "Well, there's this place in Nevada I've always wanted to go to..."

You know where we ended up going?

That's right.

We went Vegas.

And, if what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, I'll have a pretty damn good time.

* * *

**OKAY. IGGY GOT HIS SIGHT BACK. AND HE THINKS MAX IS SERIOUSLY BEAUTIFUL.**

**I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I SMELL TROUBLEEEE**

**THAT'S RIGHT... *SPOILER ALERT***

**Honestly I'm so tired right now okay I need to go sleep and it's 8 o'clock I'm old.**

**Ash xx. **


End file.
